Letting go of desires

Originally published September 2025. Part of the Archived Essays collection.

During my Sunday reflection, I revisited a quote from James Clear I’d captured earlier in the week:

“It doesn’t make sense to continue wanting something if you’re not willing to do what it takes to get it.

If you don’t want to live the lifestyle, then release yourself from the desire.

To crave the result but not the process is to guarantee disappointment.”

Let that sit for a moment.

Then think about where you are right now — and whether your behaviour and habits actually match your desires.

Borrowed desires

Often, our goals and dreams aren’t really ours.

We adopt them because they sound impressive, or because everyone around us seems to be chasing the same things.

• The 8-figure business
• The shredded physique
• The “I only work 4 hours a day” setup

Some of those might be genuinely yours.

Others are just borrowed desires.

They feel good to say out loud. They look good in a bio. But you don’t actually want the process they require.

Drifting into other people’s goals

There’s another, riskier path: the goalless traveller.

You don’t define what you want, so you drift.

And drifting means you’re quietly absorbed into other people’s desires.

• The company you work for
• The friends you keep
• The accounts you follow

It feels harmless in the moment.

It isn’t.

The cost shows up later, when regret asks why you never tried harder for the things that were truly yours.

My own version of this

When I was younger, I lived in that first camp.

I’d say things because they sounded ambitious. It felt good — a quick dopamine hit.

But that’s where the goal lived and died.

I didn’t want the work.

I wanted the feeling.

That quote from James Clear is brutal because it’s honest:

“If you don’t want to live the lifestyle, then release yourself from the desire.”

It’s a line worth revisiting at least once or twice a year — especially before you start declaring big goals you have no real intention of living the process for.

A question worth sitting with

Ask yourself:

Which desire do you need to release because you won’t live the process it requires?

There’s no shame in letting it go.

In fact, it might be the most productive thing you can do.

Less fake desire.
More honest effort.

—Tariq