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# Letting go of desires
- URL: https://www.tariqdeir.com/letting-go-of-desires/
- Published: 2025-09-13T19:54:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-08-09T19:55:44.000Z
- Author: Tariq Deir
- Tags: Archived Essays

*Originally published September 2025\. Part of the Archived Essays collection.*

During my Sunday reflection, I revisited a quote from James Clear I’d captured earlier in the week:

> “It doesn’t make sense to continue wanting something if you’re not willing to do what it takes to get it.  
>  
> If you don’t want to live the lifestyle, then release yourself from the desire.  
>  
> To crave the result but not the process is to guarantee disappointment.”

Let that sit for a moment.

Then think about where you are right now — and whether your behaviour and habits actually match your desires.

## Borrowed desires

Often, our goals and dreams aren’t really ours.

We adopt them because they sound impressive, or because everyone around us seems to be chasing the same things.

- The 8-figure business
- The shredded physique
- The “I only work 4 hours a day” setup

Some of those might be genuinely yours.

Others are just **borrowed desires**.

They feel good to say out loud. They look good in a bio. But you don’t actually want the process they require.

## Drifting into other people’s goals

There’s another, riskier path: the goalless traveller.

You don’t define what you want, so you drift.

And drifting means you’re quietly absorbed into other people’s desires.

- The company you work for
- The friends you keep
- The accounts you follow

It feels harmless in the moment.

It isn’t.

The cost shows up later, when regret asks why you never tried harder for the things that *were* truly yours.

## My own version of this

When I was younger, I lived in that first camp.

I’d say things because they sounded ambitious. It felt good — a quick dopamine hit.

But that’s where the goal lived and died.

I didn’t want the work.

**I wanted the feeling.**

That quote from James Clear is brutal because it’s honest:

> “If you don’t want to live the lifestyle, then release yourself from the desire.”

It’s a line worth revisiting at least once or twice a year — especially before you start declaring big goals you have no real intention of living the process for.

## A question worth sitting with

Ask yourself:

> **Which desire do you need to release because you won’t live the process it requires?**

There’s no shame in letting it go.

In fact, it might be the most productive thing you can do.

**Less fake desire.** 
**More honest effort.**

—Tariq